Christine Lee
Jack
I’m not an ass hole. Jill just makes me that way. We’ve been together for what seems to be a decade, but I really couldn’t even guesstimate. Jill, on the other hand, would have it down to the second. No doubt to keep track of how long she’s been stuck in this relation-shit.
I don’t want to classify Jill as one of those wives who nags the majority time, it would be cliché. But, Dude, she fucking nags me all thee time. Whether it be her commenting on how much I snore or just giving me the nastiest look imaginable followed by “maybe we should look into laser hair removal.” There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t do something incredibly wrong, say something incredibly wrong, or have an appearance classified as incredibly wrong…
What’s the matter with the way I look? My brown hair’s too long? My eye color’s green, which to normal people is unique, but to Jill? Nope. It’s the same shade as baby crap in a leaky diaper. I’m not too tall, but ten bucks says tomorrow I will be.
I try so hard. I take her out to dinner, but she manages to find a way to complain about the food. I cook her dinner, and her criticism on the food is worse than the restaurant. I buy her roses; she tells me (eye roll) “They’re nice, baby… Not like anyone can spend money. Creative.” After that I drove through a nice neighborhood, looking for a house with a good garden, snuck up the walk and went to town, picking their nicest flowers. I tripped on a giant rock, hit my head on the wind chimes hanging off a small tree, and hid until the friendly Doberman stopped barking. When I limped through the door, palm pressed to a forming bump on my noggin, I handed Jill the flowers and she said, “Ew get those out of here! You know I have allergies!” Um, seriously?
Sex life sucks, too. I’m not allowed to do anything but lay there and let Jill use me. Can’t touch anything, can’t move around to make it fun, and moaning to show any kind of approval is entirely out of the question.
I’m a damn good catch. I’m considerate, loving, and a pretty good lookin’ guy. So why stay with her? Well because I’ve been with Jill for so long, I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be more alone than I am now.
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2 comments:
The reason I enjoyed this particular blog so much is because it was written by a female in a man’s voice. You captured the voice of a fed up, annoyed miserable man perfectly. The way that Jack described his relationship with Jill was so true to life, it actually matches the tone that my older brother uses when he talks about his girlfriend. Females think that they are perfect, relationships fall apart because of the man. We are never to blame. I liked that you turned the tables around and made Jill come off as an annoying bitch who is absolutely ungrateful. This was an interesting twist and this blog was humorous.
Hi Christine,
Your story is great! I am impressed and delighted with your sly use of details from the original fairy tales;, Belle as the name of one of the nurses, Gold rimmed glasses on Dr. Prince, calling him handsome, caterpillar and the blonde (Alice,) in the forest, having the Queen hit Snow White with her with a pan when the poisoned apple doesn’t work, oh, and Snow White talking to the doves on tv, (the parallel with the birds she talks to in the fairytale.)
You write in a way that is inventive, original and a little dark. I really enjoyed reading this.
Please read the poem collection by Anne Sexton called “transformations”. I think you will like it (here is the link;http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/briar-rose-sleeping-beauty/ ) Best wishes, Reba Fritz
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